Seven Things that make me Grumpy

I kinda volunteered for this - so my usual grumpy complaining about getting a Meme and insults for the giver of said meme will have to be left out of this one.
Anyhoo ..Elle at Defective Tykewriter has asked me what are the seven things that make grumpy...
Well - where to start...?

1. Being trapped in a stupid phone contract whilst all around me (including my husband) get android/iPhones. I want one NOW, my phone is rubbish and has been for ages, but stupid contract provider would not change without huge costs (yeah, I know I signed the contract etc...but we all make mistakes). Roll on the 22nd May. My iPhone calleth me. 
2. My husband teaching our daughters boy things. For example farting with your armpit & paper planes. Don't get me wrong, I like a paper planes but I seem to be the only person in this house able to pick them up. Also, the rather weak claim that he is teaching them 'physics' is rubbish. Lets not fancy up a paper plane. A paper plane is a paper plane is a paper plane. 
3. Back to picking things up. Socks. Little socks. Everywhere. Why oh why oh why oh why do my three year old and seven year old not need socks the minute they walk in the house and just take them off and leave them ..WHY...??????
4. Music snobs, people who look down their nose at you if you dare to like something mainstream. My iPod has a real mixture on, from Marilyn Manson to Brittany Spears, some hardcore house to The Damned. If I like it, I listen to it. If I don't I don't. Get off your high horses and get over yourselves.
5. The same applies to the telly. I like Big Brother, but I don't like/get I am a Celebrity get me out of here, but I don't think any less of the people who watch it. I don't watch soaps but I like geeky Sci Fi stuff. Similarly, people who say..oh I don't have time for TV, that's fine but don't think less of me because I do - and yet surprisingly I can read a book too.
6. The BNP. I am all for freedom of speech but come on...really. Where did all the people on this Island called Great Britain come from? Everywhere else. Thats all. 
7. My brain makes me grumpy. I used to be an optimist and glass half full - now look at me. I thought of this list without even trying - I haven't mentioned anything about ageing and all the physical ailments that go with it, I also totally agree re:texting on Elle's post, it really annoy's me, use prescriptive text for God's sake. I want my brain to be back in my twenties when I was full of hope and positivity.

I am going to pass the joy of the Grumpy meme to anyone who wants to give it a go. It's quite cathartic and I might do another 7 just for the heck of it.

The Gallery - Portraits

So in theory this is an 'easy' week at the Gallery. I think not...too many options...

I could do something funny..

My strong family

Something sentimental

My Mum; in a dress, I swear, she wore throughout my childhood.

Something arty

Giant Lola

Or just a picture of my family, caught in a moment, that I love, and is by my bed.

OK, I realise I cheated a bit but I just couldn't choose. Sorry. 

My Nicknames and Me

Write about a nickname you have been given in your life

I haven't written anything recently for the writing workshop. I have been so busy; what with the Gallery, My daily Blipfoto, various Meme's. This blogging community is a hive of activity! Then there is my non-virtual life. Work, kids etc plus the buying of a hamster (There is a whole blog about the emotional trauma one small hamster caused...more of that another day)

But the nickname theme is something I really want to blog about.

There is one thing I have to establish at the beginning of this:

I have dealt with this and moved on, but I will not reveal the name I was called. I haven't told my husband, so I won't be telling you.

People have tried to give me nicknames over the years, but they just didn't stick. For a while I was Ollie Onion (my surname was Oliver), I was also Pebbles from the Flintstones because of the way I wore my hair, my brother and I do still refer to each other as OIlie, which is a bit weird, and my Dad calls me pruneling, but other than that, no nicknames.

(I don't really see the likeness either - It's not like I had a bone hairband!)

But then, something happened - 'I got off with' (there's an expression that's a blast from the past) this bloke. He was the older brother of a friend of mine but things didn't go the way he had planned. So he told people all sorts of horribleness and came up with a name that stuck with me for the last three years I spent in the small town I grew up in. People would literally just shout this name at me randomly in the street. Even 'friends' used it to wind me up.  It disgusted me, it made me feel small and dirty. It was one of the many reasons I wanted to leave and live in a city where I could be anonymous. I didn't want to be me. 

I did move to the city, I reinvented myself but inside I stayed the same and I became tougher and stronger. Have I forgiven and forgotten? No. Would I tolerate this now. Never. Should it have happened in the first place, of course not. Can I change anything now. No. So I have moved on. 

I now use a nickname online that was given to me by a friend - MuddynoSugar is my poker name and how I like my coffee, it is a part of me and I love my online persona. It is everything a nickname should be.

I had a look to see where Nickname comes from - this is what I found:

Misdivision of ekename (1303), an eke name, literally "an additional name," from Old English eaca "an increase," related to eacian "to increase"

So MuddynoSugar increases me, it is another part of me, the me that people don't shout at in the street, the real me, Jane. 

My Daughter has a Boyfriend

My daughter, who is 7, came home from school just before the Easter holidays and shyly announced that she had a proper boyfriend.

My husband and I were not totally surprised - Heather has always got on well with boys, she married Dan (Tara at Stickyfingers son) at nursery - no seriously, there are wedding photo's go here to see them, and they have maintained a steady and rather lovely friendship since then.

There has also been the off and on again relationship with Euan who goes to the same child-minder - we DO NOT talk about the Valentine Disco debacle! (In brief, Euan said he would dance but then when all his friends were there he wouldn't...1st life lesson in men learnt 14.02.2010)

But now, this is different, this one is a 'proper' boyfriend.

I could see my husbands eye start to twitch and he was off to get the boyfriend hitting stick from the hall (seriously - it has been there since I gave birth to a girl).

So to diffuse the situation I thought I would ask some probing, not very subtle questions (I can work on this for when she is older)

Me: So, who is this boy from school (I am now going to use a fake name to protect the innocent).
Heather: George.
Me: Really. and why do you like George (inside, I have died a bit as 'George' is the frigging naughtiest boy in her year and has previously shown his affection by mild physical violence and low level bullying)
Heather: Because he is captain of the football team
(In my head - Oh f**k I have reared a WAG - so much for working full time to create a positive and strong female role model)
Me: (scared of response but desperately plodding on) But that can't be the only reason?
Heather: Sometimes he picks me to be on his team (smiles beatifically)
Me: Oh that's great then. (What else could I say...she caught me off guard..doh!)

Husband in background still hasn't placed which child is George (this is good, because later that night I explain who he is properly, and there is talk of him - going to 'have a word' - OMG).

Anyway, a couple of days later I say..everso casually. So how is it going with George?
Oh, he's not my boyfriend any more, says she.
Oh, I am sorry what happened.
I don't want him to be my boyfriend
Oh, OK then.

And that was all I could get out of her - SHE IS SEVEN - HELP!!!!!!!!!

Here she is looking like a seven year old..long may it last.

The Gallery - Shoes (and 5 of the Deadlies)

Being a bit naughty and re-issuing an old Gallery entry as it is so fitting for this weeks Gallery. 

This week for week 8 of The Gallery Tara at Stickyfingers has set us the impossibly tricky task of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Well, I have spent the weekend mulling on this. I took pictures of my daughters with ice cream on their faces, of all the food we had for a BBQ, but none of it felt right. Then I had a moment of clarity.

So with my photo you will see what I lust after, what I am greedy about, what I envy, what I have pride in and finally what I wear when I am slothful. (5 out of 7 is not bad!)

It is all about ......

THE SHOES!!!!

These are all my shoes, except I am missing out a pair of high heeled slingbacks, a pair of green wellies, 2 pairs of black boots, and one pair of pretend Uggs. All in all, 42 pairs of shoes. (which I only found out today)

I Lust after shoes and they can make me lustful, I nearly took a photo of a woman a work the other day because of her shoes, but I didn't want to make her nervous.

Shoes alter my mood, I wear certain shoes to give me confidence and Pride in my appearance. 

Clearly, I don't need 42 pairs of shoes. I am Greedy when it comes to shoes. 

I Envy others shoes  - on my 'before I die list' I need, want, lust after, a pair of Manolo Blaniks. Similarly, Divina Mccall, has great shoes, I envy her shoes, she has some red soled stiletto's that I would do pretty much anything for.
I have shoes to slob about in when I am Slothful. To be honest I have shoes for most occasions and they hold special and some of my favourite memories. 

These are what I wore on my Wedding day (I wore other stuff too, wedding dress etc...you all have very dirty minds!!!). Worn once because when else do you wear white boots - I will never throw these away.

These were brought and worn for my daughters Christening - Happy day with family and friends

These were my 'go to' clubbing shoes - those bad boys have six inch heels but are remarkably comfortable. I have danced all night in these. 

The not so, go to clubbing shoes, hurt like hell and probably made me look like a pole dancer but kinda of loved the sleazy glamour of them

My black suede work shoes, comfortable but gave me an additional 3.5 inches

Great shoes for a short gal.

Holiday shoes, we all have a pair - these were brought in Corfu in 1994 (dear lord they are 16 years old...I am so old!)

Speaking of old, I brought these for this year's work Christmas party - Mutton, lamb...enough said.

And finally....

These are my Croc flippy flops. I was a doubter of Croc's, but I accidently brought my daughters some at an airport (long story) - then I got shoe envy and now I have three pairs and they are both on their second pair. They are so comfy and so easy to be slothful in. I am now a Croc's disciple. My feet need comfort if I am going to wear stupid shoes to work parties!

And there is my attempt at the 7 deadly sins. I am really looking forward to what everyone else has done.

Meme-Tastic

My lovely blogger friends have been busy this week setting mighty blogging meme Challenges.


First off the lovely  Tara at Stickyfingers Frankinsteined (I am not sure that is a word); the Fantasy 3 Course meal meme with the Hunky movie men meme and created the Fantasy Character 3 Course Meal meme (with not a care, in the world, for the mouthful of a title that is - no pun intended)!


Then the equally lovely talented photographer lady Cosmic Girlie got me with a Photo meme. I have to do this - 

1 . Open the first/oldest photo folder in your computer library
2. Scroll to the 10th photo
3. Post the photo and the story behind it
4. Tag 5 or more people to continue the thread.


OK so, which to do first? 


Photo I think...OK - 'scuse me a minute whilst I go rummaging in the dusty corners of the computer.....


Ahhha


This photo is called 'bloody hell where did that come from....' or (specially for you Cosmic ) 'What the f**k'

This is me with my eldest daughter after a ...hmmmm...lets just say the birthing plan went flying out of the window with force, birthing experience. 
She was born at 1:13pm on November the 18th 2002 - 2 weeks early, and weighed 6lbs and 6oz. She was gorgeous, and yes the pain really did go away when she was out (admittedly a lot of it came back after the epidural and adrenalin wore off...but you know what I mean). One of the 3 best days of my life. 


I am passing this onto the usual suspects (apologies if you have already had this)


The charming and delectable - Jo Beaufoix, the fantastic Rosie Scribble, Tara Cain because I am sure 
there will be something in the spangley corners of her new PC which will be lovely and have a great story. The fabulous writer that is Deer Baby and Troutie because I am all for people mentioning Henry the Hoover in their blogs as often as possible. 


OK and now on to the more challenging Ms Cain's long title meme thingummy.







My drink of choice would be red wine - this is my current favourite
I am rubbish at French but because of the useful illustration I am aware this wine is called Cat on Egg - and it is yummy. Speaking of Yummy I would like to drink it with Christopher Lambert - My daughter is called Heather partially because of the film Highlander (It's a long story, suffice to say, I have a soft spot).

My ideal starter would be a tricolour salad and I would eat this with James McAvoy - because he looks a bit grubby and geeky and I like that in a man.

Following the grubby theme - I would have my main course of Moroccan Poussin and cous cous with Captain Jack Sparrow (not the somewhat tidier and more refined Johnny Depp - although I wouldn't say no, you know, if I had to - last people in the world scenario).Any who, I think Captain Jack is lovely ***swoons*** tight corset moment...ahem.....food, concentrate on the food woman!!! Oh and I do like a bit of eye liner on a man - Adam Ant ruined me!

Finally, and this is where Tara and I may come to fisty cuffs, Mr Hugh (I am ridiculously gorgeous) Jackman.  Hugh, as I like to call him, would share coffee with me at the end of the meal. (and then cuddles **ahem***, in those I have been working out way too much lately, arms)  

 

Hang on I hear you all cry ...what of pudding? Sorry folks, after that meal probably no pudding. Maybe sticky treacle pudding with custard, like you had a school if pushed.

I am returning the love of the meme to CosmicGirlie and then to any other brave soul who wants to give it a go.

Have Fun

Joy - The Gallery - Week 7

This was taken at our last BBQ in October last year, we had lots of people over and there was a feeling of relaxed friendship and happiness. Some one made my daughter laugh, I think there may have been some bad dancing. The picture isn't the best quality but it makes me smile every time I see it, I have it on my desk at work to cheer me up, she is just so full of Joy (for Tara's Gallery).

Best Excuse for Today (A very short post)

My three year old, Lola, is sitting next to me, she is tired and a bit grumpy. I am messing with my photo's on the laptop.

Lola suddenly announces that a little bit of wee has come out and she needs to go to the toilet.

So, I shout to my husband who is in the kitchen, 'Paul can you take Lola to the loo, I am in the middle of lassoing gnomes.'

Below is the end result.

What a Week - In Photos - Phew...!

It has been a strange and unusual Easter break for me this year.

Good Friday was a write off, I had had a cold all week and had gone into work regardless (even though I work in a Contact Centre and completely lost my voice - Hey ho!)

Saturday, still recovering, but had to buy the kids Easters things - Had a bit of a moment, after foraging with the masses at John Lewis, so had to have a quiet sit down outside whilst the kids played. As you can see, they were deeply concerned about my health!

Sunday I started to improve - so off to my Mum's for Easter Sunday dinner. Had lots of good food and company, all the family were on good form, which was nice after various family ailments had made everyone a bit glum for the last few visits.

On Monday, we had a spring clear out and 'recycled' all the Macdonalds rubbish and bits and pieces that was underfoot in the house. Very cathartic.

Tuesday was a beautiful fresh windy day. So we went to the park and did this.

It made my daughters extremely happy.

Then came Wednesday. Not wordless, quite the opposite in fact. Wednesday was the day I met lots of beautiful independent women who blog. I never imagined I would be meeting people off the internet, or their lovely well behaved children, but that Tara from Stickyfingers is a mover and a shaker and you just can't say no to her.  So I had the privilege of meeting Rosie Scribble, Bumbling Along, Cosmic Girlie, PorridgeBrain, Jo Beaufoix, And they were all lovely. I am not going to harp on about this much as they all got in before me and have done some glorious blogs about our day together. All I will say, if you ever get invited to something like this, just do it. It was a fab day.

There were muddy puddles, good company,

Gorgeous scenery - although, am I the only on that thinks this looks like Gruffallo country?

And really well behaved children. (There was also a climbing tree, an angel and cake!)

Thursday I went to beautiful Shropshire to see one of my oldest friend and her children - she lives in the back end of beyond but it is peaceful and lovely and my city kids got to see lambs.

And then today, after all that rushing about - a day at home face painting and planting empty eggs with seeds. And the weather was tip top too!

                       

 I am now knackered, time for some wine. 

I hope my girls had as good a week as me. 

Hairy Blogging

Not my leg - and not even close to what it really looks like when doing this!

I was reading Deer Baby's blog about no hot water and swimming, and it got me thinking.

Well pondering really.

Why am I so hairy and why do I seem to be the only person I know that has to prepare a couple of days ahead just to go swimming?

If I don't wax my legs for 4 weeks I seriously have (from the knee down) the legs of a footballer. I could have taken a photo of my legs because they are like this now, but I really would like you all to return and not be scared by the unpleasantly hirsute sights you may see.

I recently had an argument with a friend about my hairiness, they did not believe me. Suffice to say, clothes were removed to make a point. (There may have been some wine drinking going on at the time)

My best friend is a beauty therapist. When she was training we lived together. On the whole this was fabulous, I got free massages and facials, had my toenails painted and generally got pampered whilst 'helping' my friend.

There was a downside, however, I was  her first bikini wax. 

This was my first bikini wax. 

This was when I discovered waxing can give you blood blisters, bruises and make you bleed. 

As this was done as part of my friends training, photos were taken of this pubic bloodbath (just of the offending area, my friend assured me that there were no photo's of my pained and tearful face). Mortified.

Fortunately, both of us got over this experience and she is now a very successful beauty therapist.

What does happen, if your friend is a beauty therapist, is that they drum into you an internal mantra. 'It is bad to shave. You have much dark hair, with strong roots, you must, MUST wax.'

Which is why, I can't go swimming on a whim. I need to know at least a couple of days in advance, so I can wax myself  (I have toughened up since those early days), and then allow a couple of days for the redness on my legs and the blood blisters elsewhere to fade. 

The one place that I can't wax is my armpits, painful tickling is just wrong and we must all have a limit. 

So am I the only hairy blogger with issues?

Ugly - The Gallery

I thought I would struggle more with this theme, but I took this the day Tara at Stickyfingers announced this weeks Gallery theme

This is what my Irish mother-in-law calls a 'disheen' (I am not sure of the spelling)

It is ugly and can be found under foot, on shelves and in any available space left where no other toys reside. It comes from places like party bags and MacDonalds.

 The item above is actually a pencil sharpener so more useful than most of these objects but this one illustrates the general ugliness of these things.

I seem to have millions of these little things clogging up my house and they are ugly, annoying and my children won't let me throw them away.

Don't tell them but I am secretly planning a midnight cull...Sshhhhh 

Bikey or Pikey?

OK, firstly I would like to apologise for the non-PC-ness of the title of this blog, you can blame the husbands friends for this and for the texts relating to the picture below (not of Stewart Granger).

My husband has always had a goatee of some description in the 17 years I have known him.

Lately his goatee has taken on a badgerish quality having two white sides where his beard hair has gone grey. I quite like that it gives him a Stewart Granger  type feel - ...""£$%^& Sorry just taking a moment to focus.(ahem!)

He is now growing the goatee and has decided to put little ponytails in it. Sorry not ponytails, little girls have ponytails, men have manly beard tails(?). Tied up with bands made from camo-galvinised rubber - please see previous post re: Manly beauty products! 

And I absolutely did not buy the bands from Claire's Accessories (I did), as that is where the little girls with pony tails go to shop.

Anyway what do you think..Bikey or Pikey?

This picture can also be found on my daily photo blog 

The Gallery - Suburbia Heaven

Ok, I know, I know I am really late with this and already trying to think about next weeks theme of Ugly...Gah!!!

Look I have had a really tough week at work I have a grotty cold and I have lost my voice. 

But I took the picture for this last Monday and WILL bloomin' post it. (Otherwise Tara will be having words!)

OK mini, semi-delirious ill rant over. Hear is my little patch of heaven, it's not my front door. But I love my tiny little garden, with all my little flowers and the new veg patch and the kids toys. It is a great sun trap and I love sitting out on cold sunny mornings with the heat of the spring sun on my face.

Our's is the one with the blue shed.