What a difference a Year makes

Last year, about this time, I was full of good intentions.

Two cups of coffee a day, weight loss, exercise, write a novel and some other stuff. Now traditionally I review my good intentions and go GAH! #Fail and generally get down on myself about how little I have achieved.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't achieved much of any of that.

I spent the first half of the year feeling really tired and quite low. I made efforts to sort out my mental health but the tiredness was still there. I put it down to working full time, being a Mum of a 4 year old and 8 year old and my lack of exercise.

Then in August I went for a Health Check-up paid for by work. There were no massive surprises, I wasn't surprised to hear I was overweight but I was pleased that my heart, my cholesterol and my posture were all OK.

There was just anomalies with my blood. They tested it twice. My white blood count was way too high. I think, I realised it was serious when the Doctor at the clinic phoned my GP to make an appointment for me.

Then everything moved really quickly. My GP had my blood re-tested and told me we were in a 'free fall situation' he was the first one to mention the possibility of cancer he sent me to the Haematology Day Ward. He didn't tell me it was the Haematology & Oncology Ward.

Long story short and after a bone marrow biopsy I was diagnosed with Chronic Myloid Leukaemia 

This kind of thing changes your perspective on things.

I don't have new year resolutions this year. I have new life resolutions.

5 years ago, in this country, I would have been having traditional chemo-therapy. My quality of life would have been poor and my prognosis would not have been good.

I am on a clinical trial drug, the side effects are minimal (like the disease, they make me tired, and I get headaches) and my prognosis is excellent. I am extremely lucky. Blood Cancer medication has come on leaps and bounds in the last few years.

I can't deny that it has messed with my head. I struggle with it at times, with the unfairness of it (even though I have no illness that I can see or touch) but I am also aware that there is no reason for me not to see my children grow up, hopefully, they will never see me go into the accelerated or blast stages of the illness where hope is limited.

So what are my new life resolutions?

1. Stay alive
2. Stay healthy
3. Exercise
4. Be happy

If I can get those 4 sorted, surely everything else will just follow naturally...And I will always have this...

 

The New Year Cometh....

I am falling to bits

I take a tablet every day for indigestion

I have arthiritis in my hands

My IBS is legendary, and extremely embarrassing and inconvenient in turns

I have a little bit of carpal tunnel in my wrists

And I have had a cold every other week since September.

I am overweight

I get out of breath climbing the stairs

I am not fit

I drink way (no really, WAY) too much coffee

and intermittantly too much wine

and

I could eat more healthily

Enough is enough

(in the background, fade in 'Eye of the Tiger')

Christmas is nearly upon us and inevitably there follows the new year. I need to make some dramatic changes to my lifestyle. And possibly my diet (I love food so I am struggling with this a little..)

Four years, 3 months and 8 days ago (not that I am counting) I gave up smoking. I did this, primarily, to live longer. So I could see my children grow up. Unfortunately, I liked smoking (a little rebellious part of me still thinks it looks cool..I know it isn't but...shhhh lets just not tell anyone that) I miss smoking. I don't miss it's power and the way I planned my day around cigerettes, but I miss the quiet moments, the sitting outside looking at the stars (and thinking I look cool). So I replaced cigerettes with food and wine - mostly twiglets. It has taken it's toll. I was supposed to get fitter when I gave up, instead I have put on a load of weight and now my heart is fighting with vast amounts of lardy colesterol and carrying around XXX stones of extra weight (I love you all but I am not sharing that with you - I am still angry with the Wii Fit for telling me how much I weighed with ne'er a by your leave, but that's another story!). I still worry about cancer (20 years of heavy smoking makes you worry about cancer - unless you are a complete idiot). So now I worry about cancer and heart attacks, giving up smoking is brilliant. I am a worrier.

So not just a change of lifestyle and diet, but a change in attitude. I need to stop worrying and just start doing. And concentrate on the primary goal. Live longer, watch my children grow up - and participate in that.

But how?

New years resolutions...that's how - obviously.

So what do I need to do and change and stuff?

1. Reduce coffee drinking to two cups a day
2. Stop eating the fried, high in fat food
3. Twiglets every day...really...No!
4. Exercise is not a bad word
5. The Wii Fit is my friend
6. So is the bicycle in the garage that has quite literally got ivy wrapped around it.
7. Say hello to salad and soup without cream in
8. Say goodbye to my old friend cheese. I love cheese, but sometimes when you love something you have to let it go...
9. Yes volumptuous is sexy, but weezy is not.
10. Less is more ... whoever said that originally was talking rubbish, less isn't more, it's less....Rubbish
11. Remain positive, if I have a pack of Twiglets or 3 cups of coffee it is just a glich and not a reason to give up.
12. If I exercise it does not mean I can eat more
13. Make my portions smaller
14. Do the yoga, not only will it make me healthier it may actually relax me and help with the IBS.
15. Go swimming, walking, biking more with my lovely children and husband

 There you go, a plan of sorts. I will happily take on any further suggestions, medical advice or general words of support. (In my mind a tiny little voice is screaming 'Help Me'..Pitiful but true) I will let you know how I get on.

PS - Smoking is not cool, I did not look cool smoking and anybody who does smoke is rubbish. Honestly.