The New Year Cometh....

I am falling to bits

I take a tablet every day for indigestion

I have arthiritis in my hands

My IBS is legendary, and extremely embarrassing and inconvenient in turns

I have a little bit of carpal tunnel in my wrists

And I have had a cold every other week since September.

I am overweight

I get out of breath climbing the stairs

I am not fit

I drink way (no really, WAY) too much coffee

and intermittantly too much wine

and

I could eat more healthily

Enough is enough

(in the background, fade in 'Eye of the Tiger')

Christmas is nearly upon us and inevitably there follows the new year. I need to make some dramatic changes to my lifestyle. And possibly my diet (I love food so I am struggling with this a little..)

Four years, 3 months and 8 days ago (not that I am counting) I gave up smoking. I did this, primarily, to live longer. So I could see my children grow up. Unfortunately, I liked smoking (a little rebellious part of me still thinks it looks cool..I know it isn't but...shhhh lets just not tell anyone that) I miss smoking. I don't miss it's power and the way I planned my day around cigerettes, but I miss the quiet moments, the sitting outside looking at the stars (and thinking I look cool). So I replaced cigerettes with food and wine - mostly twiglets. It has taken it's toll. I was supposed to get fitter when I gave up, instead I have put on a load of weight and now my heart is fighting with vast amounts of lardy colesterol and carrying around XXX stones of extra weight (I love you all but I am not sharing that with you - I am still angry with the Wii Fit for telling me how much I weighed with ne'er a by your leave, but that's another story!). I still worry about cancer (20 years of heavy smoking makes you worry about cancer - unless you are a complete idiot). So now I worry about cancer and heart attacks, giving up smoking is brilliant. I am a worrier.

So not just a change of lifestyle and diet, but a change in attitude. I need to stop worrying and just start doing. And concentrate on the primary goal. Live longer, watch my children grow up - and participate in that.

But how?

New years resolutions...that's how - obviously.

So what do I need to do and change and stuff?

1. Reduce coffee drinking to two cups a day
2. Stop eating the fried, high in fat food
3. Twiglets every day...really...No!
4. Exercise is not a bad word
5. The Wii Fit is my friend
6. So is the bicycle in the garage that has quite literally got ivy wrapped around it.
7. Say hello to salad and soup without cream in
8. Say goodbye to my old friend cheese. I love cheese, but sometimes when you love something you have to let it go...
9. Yes volumptuous is sexy, but weezy is not.
10. Less is more ... whoever said that originally was talking rubbish, less isn't more, it's less....Rubbish
11. Remain positive, if I have a pack of Twiglets or 3 cups of coffee it is just a glich and not a reason to give up.
12. If I exercise it does not mean I can eat more
13. Make my portions smaller
14. Do the yoga, not only will it make me healthier it may actually relax me and help with the IBS.
15. Go swimming, walking, biking more with my lovely children and husband

 There you go, a plan of sorts. I will happily take on any further suggestions, medical advice or general words of support. (In my mind a tiny little voice is screaming 'Help Me'..Pitiful but true) I will let you know how I get on.

PS - Smoking is not cool, I did not look cool smoking and anybody who does smoke is rubbish. Honestly.

The Nativity Factor

My seven year old daughter loves to sing and dance, mostly to Hannah Montana and Demi Levato. And she has been singing all the songs for the Nativity play to us and showing us the dance moves.
So today, I go to the nativity play and my daughter is happy to be part of the massive ensemble that is ‘Nativity’. She knows her friends lines as well as her own and is genuinely full of Christmas happiness.

I find myself looking at the leads in the play and noticing that the majority are blonde and blue eyed. Traditionally pretty. I start to wonder, why isn’t my child the Star or the Angel or Mary or even one of the little dancers? Why can't you see her singing?

Am I being paranoid? Is this just a horrible flash back to my own childhood where I desperately wanted the leads but just didn’t get them?

My daughter was happy with her part and loved the whole experience.


Dear God, am I going to be one of those hideous pushy mother’s?


Then again studies have shown that the more attractive you are the more successful you are likely to be, and the hierarchy of the society begins in the playground.

Karen Lorenz of Careerbuilder.com said;

‘Studies show attractive students get more attention and higher evaluations from their teachers, good-looking patients get more personalized care from their doctors, and handsome criminals receive lighter sentences than less attractive convicts. But how much do looks matter at work?

The ugly truth, according to economics professors Daniel Hamermesh of the University of Texas and Jeff Biddle of Michigan State University, is that plain people earn 5 percent to 10 percent less than people of average looks, who in turn earn 3 percent to 8 percent less than those deemed good-looking..
Good examples of this recently are - The X Factor - not a single fat person in the final. Then there is the Tony Blair/Gordon Brown comparison. I mean really, who did we all like best originally. 

This all sounds like I think my daughter isn't beautiful, she absolutely is both, bright and beautiful, she has lots and lots of friends at school, but she isn’t blonde, she doesn’t look like a child Barbie. She is not doll like and subservient she is spirited and independent.
Is she going to miss out on opportunities at school because the adults sub-consciously or consciously pick an outdated view of beauty and behaviour in British society?

OK deep breath.
I suspect I am reading way too much into it and have just turned into a typical Mum who knows how fab and talented her child is and just can’t understand how nobody else can see it? You all thought the same when you went to your childs nativity................didn't you?

Give Blood...

I have been trying to give blood for years, my Mum has a gold medal in it (seriously, if you do it so many times you get badges), I am quite competitive with my Mum, so I was keen to get started with the badges.

During my twenties I was invincible and selfish, so I didn't bother then.

Then in my thirties I started thinking about other people and contemplating my own mortality and so away  I go.

First attempt... they wouldn't let me. Trying for a baby.

Second attempt.....they wouldn't let me. Just had a tattoo.

Tattooing is addictive so several years passed and several tattoo's and you have to wait a year since your last one before they let you give blood. I finally had a year off tattoo's.

Third attempt - they won't let me. I have had a minor medical procedure.

Fourth attempt - about a month ago. I answer the lengthy questionaire about my health and what I have been up to sexually and in what country did I do this sexy behaviour, they now know more about me than my husband or closest friends.

And after much careful consideration and sideways glances, and a needle prick in my finger to see if I have enough iron in my blood the nurses finally deem me worthy and healthy enough to give blood.

Yay me.. So chuffed.

So I lie there and lie there and lie there. And they get their pint.

Then it all went a bit wrong. I sit up, nausea and much whirlyness. Dear God. Did they inject me with pure alcohol?

Yikes more sitting up, then lying down and no...Moving is not an option.

I reach a real low when the nurse says that it might be good to throw up.

This is not good. I am in  a blood mobile in my work car park, with people I work with, some of which are on my team. Mortified. And it smells of diesel and the blood mobile moves, alot...whirly whirly whirly.

They finally get me into the recovery room at work - everybody is lovely, but still I am desperately embarrassed.

It takes me about 4 hours to get to the point where I can get myself home.

I go to bed and sleep.

The next day I feel like I have been softly bruised all over and have a headache (still think there were injections of alcohol!)

What they didn't ask me was; 'what's your blood pressure like'.

If your blood pressure is a bit low, it may not be such a good idea to give blood if you haven't eaten or drunk anything for a while.

They think that was what happened to me, and I don't want anyone put off by my tale of woe. I am just feeble and useless (the more you read of the blogs the more you will realise this to be true!).

Normal healthy people give blood with no problems at all.

Do give blood if you can, it save lives...My one measley pint might make all the difference to someone and that makes all my nausea and embarrassment worthwhile.

I just might give it a miss for a while, and probably not do it at work. (And watch those nurses..syringes with alcohol, I tell you!!!!)

Queen of the Goo

I have found my gaming level, I am queen of the Goo. On the Wii we have a demo called World of  Goo. I am the champion in our house (currently) being the only one to complete all the demo levels.

We now must purchase the whole game so that I can become hideously competitive with my children and not care when I beat them, and completely not notice that this actually breaks their hearts....No really... this is why I tend not to play on computers, Playstations, Xboxes etc..I have history...

Before gaming was affordable for all, I was Queen of the pool table, take no prisoners, toy with boys when they didn't know me - I made quite a bit of beer money this way.

Then I got a playstation. I liked the fighting games (the signs were there). I liked the release of expletives. I liked the cut and thrust of the kill.

So should we buy World of Goo (which reminds me of worms, similar sound effects..thats for you gamers out there)? Probably not. Not if I want my children to grow up without emotional scars.

Just from today, they have picked up my motto (said through gritted teeth and a bit of a grimace and in times gone by with a fat cigar at the side of my mouth) 'Never give up' and are chanting it with me, Rambo styley, next thing you know I will have them wearing camo gear and taking me on at Tekken...I am just concerned what new words they may learn.

Things I have said to my daughters today

I have blatently stolen this idea from Tara at Stickyfingers who was inspired by Millennium housewife

Here are the many and varied things that I have said to my beautiful, well behaved charming girls today.

• Lola, please stop wearing my boots you'll fall ov...Oh  dear.
• Heather, use a tissue, don't do what you've just done..that's disgusting.
• Stop making yourself straight (whilst trying to lift Lola out of a shopping trolley)
• Lola NO. You are covered in flour...
• I am glad you like girls best...(then as an after thought)..but if you liked boys best that would be OK too.
• Heather, please...just look where you're going, No, fine, just walk behind me then!
• Lola stop being Mummy
• Yes Boba Fett is Daddy's favourite....(from the Kitchen, No actually it's Hans Solo)
• (to both) Please put some clothes on...(anyone who knows my children will realise this is not unusual)
• Lola please stop using Mummy as a tissue.
• Heather stop touching everything
• Heather stop picking up everything
• Heather stop running up and down the travelator
• Heather that's dangerous
• Heather yes, we will do biscuits, but only when Mummy has had coffee...
• Yes we can watch Alvin and the Chipmunks but Mummy needs to make a coffee first
• Heather don't do the farting noise with your armpit..it is not funny in any universe.

Trying to do something with my Monday

OK I have compressed my hours at work so I have Monday off. This was so that I can take my eldest daughter to school one day a week, save a bit of money on the childminder and have some 'me' time.

Tomorrow is my third Monday.

So far my Monday's have gone like this:

Monday Number One - Had a really horrible cold and if I wasn't off anyway, would have been off sick. Harumph.

Monday Number Two - Really horrible cold was still with me so much of the day was spent on the sofa - although I did update my Christmas spreadsheet, which cheered me up a bit. (OK, OK I know that sounds exceptionally nerdy...nope, searching for excuses on this one, I have none. Hi, my name is Jane and I am a nerd).

Monday Number Three - Right this is tomorrow...Here are my ongoing plans for the 6 hours I have to myself:

1. Write my masterpiece (I anticipate this will take a few Monday's. I am realistic I can't complete this on the one day)
2. Wrap aforementioned Christmas Presents (preferably whilst listening to the Ratpack singing Christmas tunes with cinnamon scented candles smelling lovely and maybe a smidge of mulled wine)
3. Remove and dismantel the cupboard in the bathroom whose base is rotting from too much bath water spilling and soaking into it.
4. Remove broken sofa, mattress and travel cot from spare bedroom.
5. Move daughters bookcase as have realised that there is a better place for it which would give them more room in their bedroom.
6. Put up picture that has been down since the loft was done. (In April)
7. Go to the tip.
8. Declutter the whole house so that my house looks neat for an hour or two
9. Add as much of the 'clutter' items to eBay so that I make a bit of cash from all my hard work.
10. Actually use the Wii Fit that I brought for me and is actually only used by my husband and kids.
11. Feel incredibly productive...and a bit smug.

Here is what is actually going to happen:

1. Take eldest daughter to school
2. Get home, make a lovely filter coffee
3. Catch up on all things Sky+ that husband doesn't like - House & Fringe.
4. More Coffee
5. Puruse Sky Anytime to see what films are on - watch films
6. Get Coffee
7. Take long bath. Read book in bath, maybe have little nap
8. Tidy up a bit, put some laundry away. More Coffee.
9. Fetch daughter from school
10. Complain to husband about how little time I have and yawn for effect.
11. Feel a little bit useless and very lazy and unsmug.

Ten things you didn't know about me..

The lovely Rebel Mother has awarded me the Honest Scrap award

Thanks - I think?

Here are The Rules:

1. ‘The Honest Scrap Blogger Award’ must be shared.

Here you go folks, I happily share this with:

Troutie
Muddling along Mummy
Is there a Plan B
Bad Housewife
Sticky Fingers



2. The recipient has to tell 10 (true) things about themselves that no one else knows.

OK Here goes. Deep breath.

1. If you were a Yuppie between 1989 and 1991 and went to the Brahms and Liszt in Covent Garden. It was me that stole your bottle of wine. Sorry.
2. I can play the trumpet, although I haven't done it for a while.
3. It was me that knocked down the lamp post in Copthorne in Shrewsbury (this was about 1986)
4. My first car was an maroon Allegro with a sun roof.
5. Sorry to the garage attendent at Monkmoor in Shrewsbury  from about 1996 -1999, I realise that my visits may have appeared strange and happened at odd times in the night and I may not have been completely sober, but some times you just need a fag.
6. I secretly loved the attention I got for some of the outfits I wore clubbing.
7. I hate that aging bothers me so much.
8. The one time I scived off school I got glandular fever and didn't go back for 6 months.
9. I chucked a fella, I had met one night, out of my flat because he smelt funny.
10. I have no regrets.